OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
