I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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