take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
