I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
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