Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize