its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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