apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
