kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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