get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
