people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
