My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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