Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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