I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
