I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize