Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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