Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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