I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Randomize