My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
