3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
