New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
