Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Randomize
