Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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