happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
