I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
