Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The air was thick with penises
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
