Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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