Need sex. Gaining weight.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
