I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
