Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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