the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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