He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize