i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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