I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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