i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
