Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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