oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
