i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Im just a social blackout drinker.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
