I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
