Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
