So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
