what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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