have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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