My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
