wat bout pragnant strippers??
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
