His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
