I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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