He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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