Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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