We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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