She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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