I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
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