I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
