Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
