So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
