Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
