I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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