I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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