Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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