Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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