Do you still have your period?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
