i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
